My name is Beth Budinger Fahlberg, and this is a blog about my journey in becoming an artist. I've decided to create this blog to chronicle my evolution -the knowledge, skills and perspectives that shape my creative work.
My journey started in 2011, though I've been interested in art since childhood and I have been creative all my life. For years I have done crafts of all kinds, from sewing to dried flower wreaths to stained glass to dabbling in clay. However, I often followed a pattern or copied an idea I'd gotten from someone else, and there was no affective aspect to my work- no message, emotion or idea behind my work. My purpose in creating was to make something beautiful and/or functional, and to enjoy the process. I developed my craftsmanship skills by doing things over and over with the ultimate goal of trying to make my creation look "perfect" as well as beautiful or pleasing.
Predictability vs. Uncertainty
Craft is predictable, dependable and goal-oriented, with a specific end in sight from the beginning. Predictability calms anxiety, promotes confidence and a sense of being settled and stable. Predictability in the creative process will often calm anxiety, and promote confidence in what we are doing.
I've learned about the importance of predictability, and the impact of uncertainty in my professional experiences working with patients and families, and in my personal experiences as a family caregiver. I've experienced the anxiety associated with unpredictable outcomes, and an uncertain future.
While I value predictability in life and in some processes, in recent years as I've grown and become more resilient, I've grown to appreciate unpredictability. In my work with patients and families facing a limited but unpredictable life span and course, I've realized the importance of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst.
When things are uncertain, you live with the realization that you might not have tomorrow or next week, month or year. So you do things right away rather than waiting. You make plans based on what you know: you know things will be hard, so you prepare. You know the end is coming, so you do what needs to be done now, rather than putting it off. Because tomorrow may not come. So you end up taking some risks, and living your life now. And sometimes, the things that you do jumping into life turn out to be awesome, memorable, and inspiring. This can be a very good result of uncertainty.
Art is process-oriented with an uncertain outcome. It's all about the process. As you face decisions along the way, you make the best decisions you can based on your ultimate goal as well as your knowledge of yourself. In art, you make some decisions at the outset about your tools and media. You may have a goal in mind (i.e. I want to paint a flower), but in a truly artistic process, the goal, tools and media may change along the way AND (key to art)- that's OK. Being process-oriented with an uncertain outcome, in art the artist is the one who determines when a creation is "done".
At times the artistic creative process occurs over time. When I revisit a work I often examine it and reflect on it, and think about what I like, and what I would do differently. Based on that reflection, I may change or revise that work. Or, I may try creating a similar form using different tools. media, colors or techniques. As I do so, I compare, contrast, experiment and explore, reflecting, learning and becoming more skillful all along the way.
Dutton says "The craftsman knows beforehand the end to be achieved, or the effect to be produced upon his audience. The artist, on the other hand, stands in the same relationship to the outcome as his audience. The artist explores the unknown limits and possibilities of his art, the artist is also finding out, clarifying, understanding."
The reflective process is something I encourage in my nursing students, as I've realized that this reflective and iterative process is one of the best ways to grow, change and develop over time. Does this elevate a learning experience to artistry, rather than simply skillful craftsmanship?
Outside Influences
As a child growing up in the San Francisco area in the late 60's and 70's (the epicenter of the hippi movement- Haight-Ashbury), we did many hippie crafts that were popular there at that time: Macrame, making god's eyes, tie dye. We even made sand candles at the beach in Halfmoon Bay with our Mom.
Mom has always been creative- photography, silk screen, later quilting. In later years she even hybridized irises to create the flower that she wanted.
I did a lot of crafts in my early years. Sewing in high school, college and my early career. Crafts such as dried flower arrangements in my 20s, then I got into stained glass in my early marriage. I even got into making some lampworked glass beads, taking advantage of the burgeoning glass art movement all around me in Seattle.
Between 2001 and 2010 I didn't have much time for creativity. I was raising my young daughter Sarah, and working as a nursing professor, and then caring for our aging parents as their needs increased. During this time I was also going through the process and journey of earning my PhD in Nursing. It was a time of challenge and growth, professionally as well as personally. Once this caregiving and schooling phase began to wind down, I sensed a need to begin creating and exploring again, and realized that I could do this through art.
As a researcher, I explore and experiment all the time in a quest for new knowledge, both in my clinical work and in my teaching. I've found a familiarity and fulfillment in using this experimental approach in my art- trying different media, techniques and tools. learning how they work and what I can do with them. Reading about art theories- color, form, composition, then trying them for myself. Honing my skills. Developing my confidence. I think I'm becoming an artist, but I don't know that I will ever feel that I have attained that title.
Artistic influences
One of my earliest memories was in first grade, listening to my teacher Ms. Strand share the story of Vincent Van Gogh while showing us his paintings. I was hooked on art. At home I spent hours pouring through my Mom's art books. I was especially drawn to Rembrandt's works. My Mom had a Paul Klee geometric print hanging in our home. While I liked the colors, I didn't really understand why it was art- it just looked like lots of boxes in different colors.
Fifteen years later, my friend Marcie and I spent two months in Europe after graduation. We visited lots of museums, along the way reading books about the artist. In Bern Switzerland we had the opportunity to see an exhibition of Klee's work in chronological order. I was amazed to see that his early work looked very traditional, and then later he used more geometric shapes, and then became more and more minimalist. It was like he had extracted all of his artistic knowledge and ability into what mattered most to him.
In viewing this exhibition I began to understand the evolutionary process an artist goes through, learning the rules, then pushing the limits by breaking them. I saw this evolution at the Van Gogh Museum in Amsterdam, the Munch Museum in Oslo, and in the work of various impressionists displayed at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris. They learned by copying others, experimenting, and then finally finding their own artistic expression that was unique.